I first self-published Emotional Clearing in 1994. I didn’t even try to find a publisher because it seemed impossible, but when I printed up those first 2500 copies and started sending them out to bookstores, an amazing thing happened - bookstore owners recognized there was something different here, and put out the book, and buyers took them home. The results they had with the book is documented by the testimonials I have received, 100+ of which are reprinted on this website.

As the book kept building, and as foreign publishing offers came in, gradually I was able to awaken the interest of the big boys, and in 2000, after I had sold 22,500 copies on my own, Random House released a revised, updated hard cover edition. The EC movement itself has grown so that now I’m training therapists in the approach, and I’m aiming to establish a world-wide network.

How did I get into this? Or, maybe more to the point, how did somebody with a degree in Mechanical Engineering from Cornell U. get into this?

Right after I got out of college, I realized there were other things I needed to do instead of working in the corporate environment. For me, it was the arts - I found that in spite of, or maybe because of my academic training, I had a burning urge to see how far I could go as a songwriter-singer. I knew I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t try it. Breaking with mainstream values, I found myself at home in New York.

Along with the intense interest in the arts was an intense interest in consciousness. Early experimentation with consciousness-altering substances (ala Stan Groff) led me to feel that working on myself - evolving my consciousness - was also one of the important things I needed to do. I was quickly led to an association with Babaji’s Kriya Yoga, through a “chance” meeting with Yogaji SAA Ramiaah, a disciple of Babaji. Yogaji picked me up with his radar in a bookstore where he was working weekends on the lower east side, and invited me to his classes on East 4th St., then a wild frontier. All of us young kids - we were dedicated to pursuing yoga with this real guru from India with a zeal not often found today.

Making a living during this time had to be something alternative, and I tried a number of things. For a few years, I did some boat chartering - taking out people for hire - on an old 42’ cabin cruiser I bought very cheaply right after college that I was living on - another dream realized. I did a year stint as a caseworker in NY. I became a yoga teacher. Finally I settled into being a woodworker, designing and building. The music was going strong, and after ten years, I bought a loft in NY and built a recording studio and went into the studio business. All during this time, consciousness was a major concern. Practicing yoga, meditation, reading voraciously, living holistically - this was important.

I phased out of the studio business, not finding it stimulating after five years, and, in looking around for the next thing, found myself drawn to the Kripalu ashram in Lenox, Mass. where Gurudev Amrit Desai was presiding. I’m not a guru chaser, and after so many years on the path, I didn’t think I needed a teacher anymore. But the very first time I went there, on a pleasant Spring Sunday, as I was taking a yoga class with only four other people, led by a sincere but inexperienced yoga teacher, I had one of the most important experiences of my life.

Halfway through the class, I found myself feeling strange. Things seemed different, I felt a little weak and dizzy, like there was a shifting happening. I had to stop the yoga. I crawled over next to a wall and leaned against it with eyes closed. I was vibrating, and going into space. It was a natural acid trip - totally unexpected and unsought. A key distinguishing feature of the trip that I recognized was the vibration - it felt like the cells of my body were pulsing, and I was outside my normal self and in an expanded state.

The teacher came over after the class and was tremendously reassuring - just stayed with me and comforted me. When you’re in these places, you’re very sensitive to other people’s vibes. After a half hour, I was able to walk, and I immensely enjoyed the rest of the day, lingering with the experience, being open and joyful. In my association with Kripalu over the next few years, I would spontaneously have a few more similar experiences. I learned they were call “Shaktipat,” where the grace of the guru descends.

Although not looking for a guru, I became tremendously intrigued and captivated by the energy of Gurudev. I made arrangements to live at the ashram for three months, and during that time he was fully present (not always the case) and led satsang almost everyday. I remember sitting listening to him, feeling there was a connection direct from him to me that nobody else was experiencing, that I was just drawing from him, that this intense connection was intended and had an important relation to what I was to do in the world.

Apart from the wondrous energy that seemed to emanate from him was his actual teaching. He had a lot of wise things to say about many topics, but what I picked up on were his comments about the emotions, and how to approach them - specifically, his concept of self-rejection: If we reject our inner emotional experience - even in the name of spirituality - we reject ourselves, and our inner progress stops. This was something new for me. It was not old-school yoga philosophy, which I knew cold, this was something I did not know, and needed badly.

Because in spite of 20 intense years on the path, I was an emotional wreck. Anger, sexual compulsiveness, and being driven for success were at the top of the list. I started putting some of his principles to the test, and I discovered they worked. In meditations, I experienced cleansing and catharsis like never before, just because I had moved into this new relationship with my feeling self. It was incredible.

In fact, it was so incredible that I thought I should write a book about it. I looked around, and I didn’t see any other books that seemed to be saying the same thing. I took the next two years off, and starting where he left off, I extrapolated and put together a system and philosophy that seemed to sum it up. My job was to organize and make sense of Gurudev’s teaching, because while inspired, he was also unorganized, and it was not easy to make coherent sense of his big picture. I remember showing the finished book to a Kripalu disciple, and her comment was “This is what Gurudev is trying to teach us!”

And so, the work has continued into the present. I started getting correspondance from readers immediately after the book came out, and began doing one on one counseling. I discovered I was a natural for this kind of deep, meditative, psychological work. Now, I feel that I have indeed become a master in this field, and I am completely confident about training others. I feel I’ve connected to what I’m to do in this life - what the tight yod in my astrology chart represents - and I feel fulfilled. The art/music has always continued, and in theory I would like to feel that it is of equal importance to the psychology and would occupy half my time, but in practice, this is not always the case. Nevertheless, I put out a CD roughly every four years, each of which represents a new musical-artistic concept and creation.

My intention in the art/music I do is to use it as a means of self-discovery and self-integration. In uncovering the shadow, wholeness occurs. The music I prefer to create is therefore not something you would call “new age,” which type in general I must admit to generally finding shallow and sentimental. I lean in the direction of darkness, and the music reflects and hopefully transmutes the darkness with which I am still working.

So, if this work appeals to you, please join it. I feel it really is what’s most important for all of us, perhaps especially spiritual seekers, since there’s very little guidance for them about how to really incorporate feelings work on the path, and the feelings must be clear before any significant spiritual progress can be realized. And if you’re inclined I would invite you to share my other work. There’s the music, and two new books which will appearing soon, depending on how they will be published.

The first of these new books is called Between The Moon and The Walking. It’s a collection of evocative short fiction pieces, intended to complement Emotional Clearing by awakening awareness of subconscious feelings through the use of artistic stimulus. The work deals with serious shadow content, and as in all my work, attempts to bring depth and realism to the new age/consciousness audience, and offer to the psychotherapy audience a sophisticated approach to healing. I’m thrilled that I’ve already received an endorsement from Laurie Anderson, the multi-media artist.

The other new book is called Emotion and Art. This major work guides the reader in combining inner emotional work with one of its most powerful tools, creating and experiencing art. Most people engaged in holistic self-healing already practice some type of art. This book will appeal to them as it clarifies how to use art as a major tool for self-discovery and healing, and discusses the traps that artists fall into. The book is not just a rehash of old art therapy principles, but attempts to break new ground in the field, as did Emotional Clearing. Artists will be attracted by the original insights into artistic manic-depressiveness, the three stages of the art process, and recognizing the cut-off subconscious in the art. I expect that the large audience stirred up by The Artist’s Way will be attracted, since it goes way beyond that book, breaking new ground in the practical psychology of how to successfully be an artist.

Listen to the music and download PDF's of the books at www.johnruskan.com

Best regards on your journey

John