We are subject to the law of duality most strongly
when addicted to the satisfaction of any desire. Addicted, we are compulsive;
we must have the object in question. Addicted, fulfillment is highly dualistic,
alternating between pronounced, neurotic pleasure and pain. Our need and
belief systems are artificial, obsessive, compulsive, and addictive, setting
us up for strong dualistic experiences. When not addicted to outcomes, we
do not go through the same intensity of dualistic swings, if only because
we do not look for intense satisfaction to come from the activity. We are
more relaxed and don’t need as much to be happy.
Processing brings growth
Growth is gradual; we learn we don’t need this
and then that. The elimination of compulsive needs, or being obsessive about
what we think we just have to have, is an important part of personal liberation.
But exactly how is growth achieved? You cannot free yourself from compulsive,
addictive needs by an act of will. It is only when you use the intellect
to move to a place of processing that growth and real change begin. Processing
and clearing of the feelings associated with addictive and unsatisfied needs
results in a gentle, natural outgrowing of them. Do not force yourself to
be something you are not; do not want to be something other than what you
are. In accepting yourself as you are, you allow growth to occur.
An important insight is understanding how we become
trapped in obsessive-compulsive dualistic projection. In an effort to avoid
the negative, we become compulsive about the positive. We do not see they
are related, that one depends on the other for its existence, that they
are two sides of the same coin.
We think that we can do away with the negative by
attaining more of the positive, but eventually we come to realize that the
negative can never be eliminated by more of the positive; in fact, when
we attain more of the positive, the negative only increases; they must balance
each other. The negative must be faced and released directly. Understanding
this is one of the turning points of inner work.
When you realize that you have been pursuing some
particular attainment compulsively, whether it takes the form of relationship,
money, or recognition in order to eliminate an inner feeling such as loneliness,
insecurity, or worthlessness, you begin serious work. You see the futility
of what you have been doing; you confront the feeling that has been driving
you, often unconsciously. You begin to work with the feeling itself, and
your life begins to change.
Integration means accepting
and including the negative
Instead of trying to separate one part of life from
another, we acknowledge that the negative is integral to any particular
experience; that the experience could not be without it; indeed, that we
ourselves have unconsciously assigned the negative value to balance the
forces. We accept and surrender to the negative. As we stop running from
the negative, there is bound to be suppressed pain in the subconscious.
There is no other way to get rid of this pain except to bring it to the
surface and experience it. This is what is done in therapy. Facing the negative
is a necessary part of the healing process.